I had a fascination for the word ‘Why’. When I was younger I used to begin a significant part of my conversation with that word. Over the years, I’ve lost the habit of fascination. For any word or anything.
I am incapable of spiritual thought/ mental dissection required to define “Happiness”. When was the last time I was happy? Can I remember that? Allow me a moment, please.
In a sea of sorrow, happy moments are tiny islands far apart. So they should be easy to spot. Then why can’t I remember a moment when I was really happy? There are moments I feign happy. I do it for myself, I do it for my parents, I do it for those I love, I do it for those whom I want to love me, I do it for those I don’t care a damn fuck about! But, God! Why can’t I remember a single moment of real happiness? Is there real happiness at all? Are we all destined to be happy forever for each other’s sake? I’ve read (Yeah! I do read a LOT of nonsensical shit) that life becomes meaningful only when we stop living for ourselves and live it for others. Come on, now. Is there even a semblance of truth in that?
I’ve got to go way back here. When I was so tall….then I was happy! Oh! Cruel , cruel time! Why did you have to move along? Why not let me stay forever a child? My little cocoon that I was happy in. Lost forever!
When Pa used to come home after work and spend the evenings dandling me and letting the little me dance on his knees and Ma would be smiling and preparing me hot milk and chocolate drink. The little me blissfully unaware of the eight preceding hours that Pa was bending his back over routine, boring office work to earn enough for his little bundle of joy . Those were the days….when the greatest discomfort was when my milk was too hot, the greatest perplexity of life was the night sky and the million stars , the greatest surprise in life was what delicacy pa would be buying for me in the evening , greatest fun was the monsoon rain and the paper boats and the splashing , great sadness was when playtime ends and greatest pleasure was when I used to genuinely ask “Why?” .
Since then, time has moved on and life’s been a bitch.
11 comments:
Wait till you are in ur dad's seat and have ur kid in your hands. I guess that's the only time when a man is truly happy; when he sees his creation happy or make him proud in some way. Its one occasion when you would REALLY be happy! So wait till then!
Want happiness into your life? imagine that it is already there. Strangely enough ,we can imagine of all the happiness others had ,but our own cannot be imagined,it should be felt.
can happiness be imagined ?
wats happiness..thats a question to which an answer needs to b found..
@abhi : this is an attempt of sarcasm at the hollowness creeping into our lives.
the part about your dad, that was very endearing :)
at last the wonderful moment has come!!..i'm commenting :D
i like long comments!!
but here, i just have one sentence!!
the last time i was happy,was after reading this post! :)
Growing up isn't pleasant.
I have often wished to remain a child forever.
When I was younger - I often asked why too. Now I don't ask, I wonder.
About the sentence - "living for others".. well that is true only if everyone knew about it and acted like that. There is no use learning a new language when no one speaks that language.
By the way, have you heard about the "Pursuit to happiness"..
its about there being no state of attainment of happiness... its always almost a constant pursuit, the fake sense of having reached there gives that tinge of happiness... only soon to realize, that there is still more to go. Like a mirage.
@ mr.commonsensical : and that pursuit of happiness is termed "life" :)
@ ananthalekshmy v : last time i've been happy since posting this ..is when u said u are happy . :)
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